How to Make Car Friends

"Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig" (AndySheehan-StreetsideStig) 07/28/2016 at 12:20 • Filed to: None

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Reuben was nervous about chopping up his rear bumper cover. Once it was done, it was done. He loved the cut-off look of timeless rally cars like the Lancia 037, with its gearbox hanging out like a turbine out of a Batmobile. His current gen Hyundai Genesis isn’t mid-engine like that beast of yore, but it does have an attractive straight-pipe exhaust system he wouldn’t mind showing off. And since that exhaust had required an underbody diffuser removal, the bottom section of the bumper was only catching air, acting as a parachute. Reuben, Collins (first name, not last), Jay, and I stood in Reuben’s garage while he used his Dremel and a specially-ordered plastic cutting bit to slowly carve away the offending section with dental precision. And it was a great time. It’s one of many memories with car friends that will go into the vault until I’m senile and driving something with a CVT. If you’re a gearhead, it’s better to have car friends. Here’s why, and how to find some.

Now, if you’ve been into cars since before the advent of the smartphone, you probably already have car friends. I’m talking to the younger gearheads, because members of my generation don’t always like commitment, even if it’s just a handshake, and we sometimes have trouble making new friends. There’s a wall to push through for some of us, but it’s worth the effort, because car enthusiasm sucks alone.

Cars in community, however, its a blast. First, it’s good to have people who understand you. Your mom, your popular classmates, your coworkers, they don’t understand why you want to buy a Ford Festiva, and they’re puzzled that you’d like to swap the engine for a bigger Mazda one. They don’t get the difference between a manual and an automatic, other than that you have to shift your own gears with the former. And they think rear wheel drive is always a bad idea, because sometimes it snows.

But your car friends get it. They get you. They know why you want to !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! on the blacktop to look at cars in the dead of Hell’s summer. They share your love of individual throttle bodies and flared fenders. They think your incredibly loud exhaust isn’t annoying at all, but musical. When you have car friends, you can use five people to take a convoy of five cars five hours away, and feel five times more understood than if you’d spent the whole time in conversation with a full cargo of non-enthusiast passengers.

Plus, you can use them. You can trick them into helping you with your projects for free. And they’ll enjoy it. Feed them, beer them (if they’re of age), and you have an infinite source of free labor. You might even get to use their awesome garage space, expensive tools, and connections to experts who will give you a discount for being a friend of John Q. Now, keep in mind that this is a two-way street, but if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll enjoy helping them, too.

But how do you get started? I didn’t get into cars until my 20s, so when I started watching Top Gear and changing my own wiper blades, I only had one friend who also loved cars. Then I moved to a new city, where I knew virtually no car nuts. So here’s what I did, and what you can do:

Find car events.

This will be a bit tricky if you live in a small town, but apparently a great many of us young pups don’t. Start looking around on Facebook for a meet or a !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . If you can, try to find more casual events, without judges or prizes. It’s easier to make friends in a noncompetitive environment. The added bonus to all this is that you get to ogle some awesome cars and get a taste of what people in your area drive.

Go with an open mind. Don’t assume that anything that’s not your brand or style of choice is crap. Keep your eye keen for quality workmanship and be willing to praise it, even if you wouldn’t have modified your car as such. Meeting car people who are into stuff that varies from your own interest can be very educational. You don’t have to agree on every fine detail of automotive taste. In fact, you won’t. Each of us has his or her own enthusiasm fingerprint, and no two are alike. Try to find people who share some of your interests, but don’t limit yourself.

Be excellent to each other.

From here, it’s pretty simple. Just take Abraham Lincoln’s advice and be excellent to each other. Compliment his or her vehicle of choice. Strike up a conversation. After a little dialogue, introduce yourself. I’m going to suggest something radical here. Shake a hand. It’s the ancient symbol of showing someone that you don’t have a dagger in your dagger hand, and you’ll almost never meet anyone who will refuse it.

Ask, don’t tell.

This is key, and it’s always the most difficult obstacle to clear. You might ask what engine Potential McNewfriend is running in his Foxbody Mustang, and he might start telling you about the cams. You’ll feel so much temptation in that moment to direct the conversation to your own car. “Oh yeah. I want to put a cam in my old Corolla, and there’s actually a company in Iceland that makes them but they’re super expensive because they have to grind them all custom and then I have to find a tune and right now I’m just trying to keep it on the road but I did find a sweet cold air intake on Craigslist for 20 bucks, which is a good deal, and…and…wait. Where are you going?”

Let the Mr. or Ms. McNewfriend finish his or her story. Ask more stuff. You’re curious anyway. And eventually, you’ll find that new person asking about your own car, even complementing your crappy, Ebay CAI. The other really tough part about being excellent to each other is letting the new friend know when you don’t know what they’re talking about. It takes a bit of humility, but they’ll respect you for asking, even if you don’t know what a lug wrench is or how an engine works. Contrary to popular belief, car people like introducing others into the world of cars. We love explaining rotaries and mufflers and Dynamat. If you don’t recognize a car, just say so. “Woah. What is this? I’ve never seen one,” is about the nicest thing you can say about a person’s car, and it’s a great way to start a conversation.

Then, just hang out.

“You guys want to grab lunch after this?” is the perfect way to turn people you vaguely recognize from Cars and Coffee into friends. Don’t just hang out at car events. Break bread together. Go to each other’s birthday celebrations, and yes, even hang out online. Start a group chat. Send it pictures of your project or cool cars you see cruising around town, new Ken Block videos, absurd conversations. Go out to eat again. Go help them with their car projects, and invite them over to help with yours, even if they don’t know what they’re doing. Once you get to know them better, be generous loaning out your tools or selling them parts for cheap. Give them some crap. Pretend to make fun of their car choices. From my friends mentioned above, Reuben drives a Chinese car, Jay is a famous flipper and never owns a car for more than 14 minutes, Stephen is a typical German car owner, and Collins is a British man who probably served in World War I because he loves old Jaguars. It’s fun.

So get out there and make some friends who understand your desire for a Nardi wheel. You won’t regret it.

This post originally appeared on !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , but I figured at least someone should see it, so I reposted it here.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig 07/28/2016 at 12:26

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You might ask what engine Potential McNewfriend is running in his Foxbody Mustang

Would it be wrong to correct this person if they think they really have 5.0 liters of displacement?

for Michigan > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 07/28/2016 at 12:31

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You need to wait until the relationship progresses to the point that they have to accept pedantic comments like that because they can’t leave.

Party-vi > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 07/28/2016 at 12:35

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Only if they state the engine has 5.0L of displacement, versus calling it the 5.0 engine.

Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 07/28/2016 at 12:40

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It depends on what they’ve swapped in, I guess.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig 07/28/2016 at 12:42

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And then when you’re friends, they’ll ask you to flat tow them somewhere when their car breaks because they know you keep ratchet straps in the trunk of your car at all times.

Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 07/28/2016 at 12:50

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Adventures!

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Party-vi 07/28/2016 at 12:59

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Either way it’s a 4.9.

Party-vi > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 07/28/2016 at 13:00

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Nah son, because Ford actually calls it the 5.0 engine. Displacement and engine moniker are two different things.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Party-vi 07/28/2016 at 13:03

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I thought it was just indicative of Ford’s “engineering” department’s math skills.

Party-vi > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 07/28/2016 at 13:06

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No they know their shit (mostly). What would you rather buy, a 4.9L Mustang or 5.0L? Plus the 4.9L was a Ford truck engine so I don’t think they wanted people to buy the Mustang “with the truck motor”.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig 07/28/2016 at 13:08

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I politely declined flat towing his B5 wagon through rush hour traffic all the way across town to his hoise.

Dave the car guy , still here > Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig 07/28/2016 at 13:08

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Well done. I’m doing much of what you’ve suggested because so many of the enthusiast group I’ve been a part of have left, lost the drive or become assholes. I’ve started making many new car friends both virtual and IRL. Its great when you cruise into a Cars & Coffee where some of the crew knows your name and starts to introduce you to the other guys you’ve never met. I’m the old guy in the group and I’m already making contacts, getting invites to other car events. Its nice to know there are a lot of people out there who can still be excellent to each other.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Party-vi 07/28/2016 at 13:11

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Why? People had no trouble with buying a Mustang with the truck rear suspension. Personally, I’d rather not have a Mustang, but if we’re going with numbers, go with 302. No need to lie if measuring it in CI.

Party-vi > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 07/28/2016 at 13:12

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302 is a lie as well, considering it’s 301.6ci.

*DRAMATIC MUSIC*

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Party-vi 07/28/2016 at 13:13

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Nope, it’s not since 301.6 rounds to 302. If it were a 301.4 and sold as a 302 or if they said 302 .0 , we’d have the same issue that we have with the 4.9.

Party-vi > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 07/28/2016 at 13:15

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If you can figure out how to get another 0.4ci from nothing, you would be a billionaire.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Party-vi 07/28/2016 at 13:16

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...or a Keynesian politician.

AfromanGTO > Party-vi 07/28/2016 at 13:19

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You don’t have many chick friends do you? Ask one how inches will magically appear.

AfromanGTO > Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig 07/28/2016 at 13:21

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Also get to know the people there who come, but don’t have a car yet. I meet a lot of my friends before they had cars, but we could to the car meets anyway. They tend to be willing to learn any information, and like to help working on cars too.

Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 07/28/2016 at 13:40

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But think of the stories you could have told! See that shattered bumper cover, kids?

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig 07/28/2016 at 13:56

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He would have ruined his car if he hit mine. Metal bumper and trailer hicth. I think he limped it with 2 dead coil packs.

Nauraushaun > Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig 08/09/2016 at 00:26

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and feel five times more understood than if you’d spent the whole time in conversation with a full cargo of non-enthusiast passengers.

Haha, gold! Implying that somehow you being in your car makes you feel understood. But it’s just so true.